A letter

Baby,

It's snowing, though I forget if I don't look.  Tonight we're in the hospital because your mother's water broke early and she's getting some rest in the hopes of keeping you in till you're stronger.  I'm sitting in a reclining leather chair reading, writing, and worrying.  Occasionally (about every few seconds) I'll cast a glance to the monitor showing m that your heart is still beating (it was around 160 when we came on.  Now that you're mostly sleeping it's siting at a nice even 140, but sometimes when you move it loses you and it goes down or up or vanished entirely, and I panic for just a moment .... don't tell your mommy.  It'll be our secret). 

I know we said we were eager to see you, but I promise, we can wait just a little bit longer till your lungs are strong and your brain is good and dense with neurons.

I know we said we wanted to kiss your little nose, but it doesn't have to be today.  We're not going anywhere, I promise.  take your time and grow into it.

I know that we said we couldn't wait to be your parents, but right now all we want is for you to live and grow up strong and healthy.

The best laid plans, right?  We had this great plan for a natural birth where your mother gets to move around a lot and experience her motherly instincts and give you the best delivery possible.  Now it's looking like there's probably going to be an operation and some time spent in the hospital. And it's okay.  They'll take good care of you and it will be okay. Just wait as long as you can, because sometimes you have to wait for the good stuff till you're ready.

Anyway, the night nurse just came in to change your mommy's IV bags, so I'm going to log off here, but I hope that you get some rest.  I pray that you grow strong.  I will do the best I can if you can do the best you can .  I'll see you soon ..... but not just yet.  Just a little while longer.