A letter

Baby,

It's snowing, though I forget if I don't look.  Tonight we're in the hospital because your mother's water broke early and she's getting some rest in the hopes of keeping you in till you're stronger.  I'm sitting in a reclining leather chair reading, writing, and worrying.  Occasionally (about every few seconds) I'll cast a glance to the monitor showing m that your heart is still beating (it was around 160 when we came on.  Now that you're mostly sleeping it's siting at a nice even 140, but sometimes when you move it loses you and it goes down or up or vanished entirely, and I panic for just a moment .... don't tell your mommy.  It'll be our secret). 

I know we said we were eager to see you, but I promise, we can wait just a little bit longer till your lungs are strong and your brain is good and dense with neurons.

I know we said we wanted to kiss your little nose, but it doesn't have to be today.  We're not going anywhere, I promise.  take your time and grow into it.

I know that we said we couldn't wait to be your parents, but right now all we want is for you to live and grow up strong and healthy.

The best laid plans, right?  We had this great plan for a natural birth where your mother gets to move around a lot and experience her motherly instincts and give you the best delivery possible.  Now it's looking like there's probably going to be an operation and some time spent in the hospital. And it's okay.  They'll take good care of you and it will be okay. Just wait as long as you can, because sometimes you have to wait for the good stuff till you're ready.

Anyway, the night nurse just came in to change your mommy's IV bags, so I'm going to log off here, but I hope that you get some rest.  I pray that you grow strong.  I will do the best I can if you can do the best you can .  I'll see you soon ..... but not just yet.  Just a little while longer.

Ogham, vows, water

Today's ogham was Huath and nGetal.  I should have known. 

Huath is terror, and nGetal is to do with physicians.  Magpie's water broke at 3:15.  We were terrified.  Now we're in the hospital trying to keep her pregnant as long as possible. 

I made a vow to eat clean till the baby was born.  Yesterday I tasted some crap food at family Thanksgiving.  I don't know if I helped make this happen or not. 

I'll update soon. 

EDIT:  She's in the hospital right now.  The Doctors say that the goal is to keep the baby in there as long as possible, but most people this happens to go into labor within 24 hours, so our new goal is 24 hours.  My new goal is maybe more like an hour without freaking out.

I don't feel a lot less guilty and terrified, but the Magpie assures me that this is not my fault and that that's not how it works.  I wish I were as sure as she is. Maybe she's trying to make me feel better.

22 weeks and moving

The Magpie and I are at 22 weeks and things are still moving along.  Here's the video we forgot to show you:

How great is that?  That was at 12 weeks and things are still moving.

How has it been?  Well, it's been a struggle, of course.  The Magpie has suffered through what I will call the worst morning sickness I've ever seen in a human.  We had to go to the ER twice for fluids (throwing up 5 times in 2 hours is a bad thing).  But apart from that, we're still moving along well enough and despite all our fears and all our stress, the bean seems to be thriving.

Last night I felt a good solid kick (a lot of them) for the first time.  I won't lie, it was magic.  Literally.  I can still feel my hand tingle today.  I don't know how it works, but it's amazing.

I'm thinking about making a pregnancy book for dads, because there are no good ones that I've seen (at least none that I think really helped me).  Maybe some of you interneters have suggestions?

Last night we performed a small ritual giving thanks to the gods and goddesses again for where we are and we made a small vow to repay them by raising our child the best way we can.  I know, it's a small vow and it was a small rite, but it was nice.  In all the rush or baby making and cultivating and throwing up and doctor visits (where we track fresh tar all over their office ...whoops!) it seems like our faith is struggling to have a central place in our lives and that's not that great, so we're going to make an effort to bring it back.

Likewise, I'm making a serious effort to get my exercise routine back on track.  Often I'll think, "Well, I'll just work out at home.  It's faster."  And it it.  But I also do less work because I can do some chin ups and push up and call it a day, but at the gym I would add in a lot of other work (box jumps and heavy bag work at least).  At home it's easy to just wander upstairs and be done. Too easy.

Food has been clean.  I made a small vow to myself (and the universe) to eat clean till the bean is born and I'm sticking to it.

So that's all for now, kids.  We're still nervous and excited and registering and doing all the stuff you do at this phase, and I feel like we're on the right path.  I'm hopeful.