Here We Go Again: Anivair Edition

Well, this is going to be a rough time around.

The fact is that we've had a lot of complications before now and no matter how this goes, we'll have the shadow of that hanging over us in a bad way.  That will make it hard to be all positive vibes and good dreams.  Yes, I hope it goes well, but there's also a lot of trepidation, and there's really nothing to be done about it.

People keep saying, "Think positive," and "I'll all be fine, you just have to stop stressing out," and most of that is crap.  My stress level and positive thinking won't really help if things go poorly.  I thought positively last time, too.  And it's not as if I'm sitting in the corner secretly hoping for bad news.  But saying that you should just not think about it is sort of a waste of time and energy.  It's not going to happen.

Have you ever gone up to speak before a large crowd and told yourself, "it'll be fine, don't be nervous!"  Did your nerves magically vanish?  of course not.  Maybe they got a little lesser, but probably they stayed about the same till you were right in there in the mix.   That's how nerves work.

It doesn't help that the Magpie is on progesterone which has a few side effects.  It makes the boobs bigger (heyo) but the most pronounced side effects are things like nausea and constipation.  Great.  Thanks, progesterone. This has better work, or me and progesterone are going to have a little chat outside.

Here we go again - Magpie Edition

So, after a bajillion bloodtests, doctor visits and the like, I was diagnosed with luteal phase defect. For those unfamiliar, this link will give you the quick and dirty details on what this means.

It can be a common reason for miscarriage, but, can be easily treated with inexpensive meds like clomid. Finding a diagnosis was a little scary, but really, reasurring. In the long run, having a diagnosis that explains my problems/symptoms and is easily treatable really gives me hope for future healthy pregnancies.

Setback: The Dr's office said we could resume trying before they found that diagnosis. And of course, we got pregnant before we could start any of the treatments.

This means that we had to start crazy progesterone suppliments and blood draws every 48 hours for HCG levels. We've been told it's possible to have a full term-healthy baby. But the odds are a bit against us here. It's a tricky situation, I'm being hit with serious morning sickness and fatigue as well as other signs of a strong pregnancy, but the possibility of loss is sort of a pink elephant threatening to trample us. It's hard to want to be logical and prepare yourself for the worst, but still be hopeful that things will work this time. It's a strange teeter-totter of emotions and I'm trying to keep this secret, like last time, intent to not really talk about it with folk until we get difinitive news.

I think I won't feel relaxed until I hear a heartbeat...but I'm trying to look up.

I'm taking pre-natals, B6 and progesterone suppliments. I have also been very good with my diet, sticking mostly to paleo (and lost 6 lbs in the last week) and drinking LOTS of water.

Here's to good fortune this time around!!