Where have we been? - Magpie Edition

So, ahem. We've been rather busy the last twenty months.

We happily brought our little girl home 17 days before her due date after three months in the NICU.

The last year and some change has been quite transformative not just becoming parents, but in becoming better partners, learning how to (or in some cases, how not to) communicate with one another and those in our support system.

The first few months were difficult in that we had many, many doctor's appointments. The sheer number of follow ups needed for a preemie and micro preemie were just astronomical. Her retinopathy cleared up, her hearing impairments reversed themselves and her growth and neurological function were tested again and again. And every time, she did amazingly will not only or her adjusted age, but for her actual age.

We could not be more happy, or more grateful.

We made the decision to try for one more baby, knowing that there could be definite challenges for both me and baby, but in January we found out we were, in fact pregnant again.

With all of the losses, the fear and the drugs, tests and doctor visits, we weren't sure we had made the right decision. But with the love and support of our doctors and specialists, they set us on a plan to keep this baby as long as we could.

Well, it's safe to say the progesterone shots, the many scans and tests certainly helped, of only to help make me feel that I had some kind of control over the process.

It hasn't been easy. There have been scares, There have been sleepless nights, trips to the ER and many many calls to our OB. But in about seven weeks, we will be welcoming our second child, who is almost full term and is doing smashingly.

We've been trying to refocus on family, with the effort to create wonderful memories for the Bean and us while waiting her brother, the Sprout to arrive. We're creating family traditions that I'd like to discuss more in depth in future posts.

But here we are...still practicing our druidic faith, still trying to work on creating domestic routine/rhythms...and being grateful for every moment.

Much love to you all,
~Magpie

Diary of a NICU Mom - NICU Survival Kit

I am finding that there is a list of essential things I think necessary to bring with you to survive the NICU. And I thought I’d share it for other families with new little ones in the NICU.

Must Have’s:

1. Unscented lotion - You will wash your hands a million times with a NICU baby,so dry hands come with the territory.
2. Hand sanitizer - To sanitize after touching items such as cellphones, books, or other items that carry germs.
3. Drinking Water - NICU’s are often warm, dry places, staying hydrated, especially for new moms is important.
4. Notepad/Pen - You will be inundated with terms, acronyms and numbers that mean things for your baby’s well being. (Click here for my NICU Dictionary)  Having something to write down all these things as well as the multitude of questions that arise is really helpful.
5. Distraction material - At times, you might not be able to hold your baby. Sometimes, not being able to hold your child is really stressful. Having a book, craft project or something to keep you occupied can provide a respite from the beeping monitors until you can put your little one in your arms again. 

 My NICU bag, with bottles, milk storage, pump parts, water, hand lotion,
pen and paper for questions and sketchbook. 

Nice to Have's:

1. Layers - Did I mention NICU’s are warm? Also, if you want to kangaroo hold, having layers of clothes you can remove or add helps.
2. Pillows - While our little ones are not very heavy, when they have tubes and sensors going every which way, you find yourself sitting still a lot and a pillow can help prevent achy arms/backs.
3. Receiving blankets - having something from home (If your NICU allows it) like receiving blankets gives the familya great sense of normalcy. Even if you can’t have toys or gifts in the isolette, the receiving blankets can be used as preemie sheets and really can personalize your baby’s first room. Later, you will be able to swaddle your baby in them!
4. Cameras - since your baby isn't at home it is nice to be able to capture moments to share with friends and family... or even just to memorialize the time for you. 
5. Preemie hats - the little one's heads get cold, many hospitals will provide cotton caps, especially if they are on CPAP (They pin the tubes to the cap). Give your little one a gift and make or buy teeny preemie hats!

Must Have’s for the nursing/pumping mom:

1. Your traveling pump part kit - flanges, tubing whatever you need to affix to the pump.
2. Storage Bottles/caps - Most NICU’s can provide these free of charge.
3. Nipple cream - lanolin creams or coconut oil are good for keeping skin soft and prevent skin from drying or cracking.
4. Paper/pen - Especially if you are exclusively pumping, keeping track of the time/quantity is helpful to keep track of your schedule and trends of production.

This is the most basic list I could come up with. If you have things you found helpful please let me know!

All our love!

Diary of a NICU Mom - NICU Dictionary

In our time in the NICU we have been inundated with terms that deal with our daughter's care. Initially, we knew little. but each day we would ask more questions and each day we would get familiar with the words to help us understand how she was doing.

I thought it might be helpful to list words with which we became very familiar. I'm obviously not a doctor, so if you have questions, please contact your neonatologist, pediatrician or NICU nurse. 

There is additional support on the March of Dimes NICU website. 

• Bilirubin – is a byproduct of red blood cell breakdown. In preemies, this presents visibly as jaundice. Depending on the severity of the jaundice, your baby might look yellowed or even bright red. This can be easily treated with photo (light) therapy.
• Chest Tube –a flexible plastic tube that is inserted through the chest wall, used to relieve pockets of air (see Pneumothorax).
• CPAP – (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) is a machine that provides constant mild air pressure to keep the airways open

(CPAP tubes in the nose and along either side of the face.)

• Emesis -vomiting
• Gavage –using a tube to feed a baby too young or too ill to be bottle fed. (a G-tube is inserted through small abdominal incision, NG, or Nasogastric is inserted through a nostril and down into the stomach.)  
• Hyperbilirubinemia – severe jaundice
• Incubator – an enclosed bed used to maintain the environment necessary for newborns and preemies, including temperature and humidity.
  

  

  "Giraffe" brand incubator covered with a quilt to reduce ambient light

• Intubation –(or tracheal intubation) is the insertion of a tube to facilitate ventilation for patients who are unable to breathe on their own.
• Isolette – synonym for incubator.
• Kangroo Care (or Kangaroo Holding) –holding your baby skin to skin to help regulate their heart rate and temperature.
  

  

  Holding baby skin to skin. 

• Necrotizing Entercolitis –(NEC) tissue death in the bowels of premature infants
• Neonate – a newborn baby
• Neonatologist –physician who specializes in newborn babies.
• NG Tube - Nasogastric tube is inserted through a nostril and down into the stomach
• PIC Line – (Peripherally inserted central catheter) IV access for extended periods of time.
• Peep –(Positive End Expiratory Pressure) pressure added to exhalation to assist in back end breathing.
• Pneumothorax – A collection of air or gas in the pleural space between the lung. It can cause difficulty breathing. In preemies, it is possible that the pressure from a “pneumo”, as they are sometimes called, can even cause the collapse of a lung. This can be found by x-ray and possibly resolved with the use of a chest tube.
• Residuals – undigested food left over in the stomach from a previous feeding.
• Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP) - A disorder often found in premature or low birth-weight babies. It is thought to be caused by use of oxygen therapy and creates impediments to normal vascular growth in babies eyes. In severe cases it can lead to vision impairment, retinal detachment or in rare cases, blindness.
• Room Air - unassisted breathing of surrounding air. Average room air contains about 21% oxygen as opposed to cannula which delivers 100% oxygen.
• Spell –a desaturation of O2 in the blood or deceleration of the heart rate. This target number is usually no lower than 85% O2 and between 120 and 200 heartbeats per minute  

Also if you are reading this, you might also be interested in reading my NICU Survival Kit link. 

Diary of a NICU Mom - The Little Things

And I'm not just talking about our little ones

My daughter is one month and four days old now. She's growing and is a whopping two pounds and around eight ounces.

We went to a meeting for NICU parents Thursday and I couldn't help think about all the things my husband and I think about that most full term parents might take for granted.

As I said earlier to the group, my pregnancy which ended three and a half months early, felt like it was so panicked and rushed I didn't get to enjoy it. But now that she's here, it seems like the act of becoming a mother has been drug impossibly slowly. Things that are glossed over in the first hours of a baby's life experience have been stretched out over the course of weeks for us.

So I thought I'd give an idea of what little things make our NICU experience different and still special for us.

My sweet embraceable you:

As an example, I know that most parents either never take notice or lose track very early on how many times they've held their child. Not so much for me. I wasn't able to hold our daughter until she was ten hours old. It was emotional, scary and wonderful to have her laid on my chest for the first time after a very long day and amid a sea of preemie worries.

I know that as of today, I have held my daughter thirteen times since she was born. The first two times was only for a half an hour each, the others were an hour. So since she was born a month and four days ago, I've held her for a total of twelve hours.

And last night was the first time I held her swaddled in my arms instead of kangaroo'ed at my chest.

For the first time I could hold her and see her face while I did. It was amazing!

Not many parents can tell how many hours they've held their child, I an truly grateful each time I have her in my arms.

The poo's the thing:

Never in my life have I practically begged to change a diaper! And yet on December 26th, twenty days after she was born, I jumped out of my chair when the nurse offered to let me change my daughter's diaper. And again, on January 4th. For me, being able to change my daughter's diaper even twice, is a huge deal for me. I can't imagine parents scrambling to get a chance to change a messy diaper, but there I was.

Turn around bright eyes:

Our baby was so early, her eyelids were still fused shut. So December 14th, when we went into the NICU and saw her little dark eyes for the first time, it was such a wonderfully sweet surprise. To see our little girl finally open those gorgeous peepers was a milestone that I think most term parents take for granted.

Itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot onesie:

With all the monitors, IV's and machines attached to our little girl, she has spent most of her time wearing a diaper and a hat so they can attach a CPAP to her. As a new parent, you want to buy all kinds of little things for your baby to wear. Socks, onesies, little bonnets; all the cute tiny outfits that you see in the stores. But for preemies and even more so micro-preemies, there's a whole lot of nothing to fit these most tiny of newborns.

On January 4th, two days shy of her one month birthday, we showed up to the NICU to a sweet surprise. Our little girl was wearing (mostly swimming in) a preemie onesie! It was gray and said "My daddy makes me smile".

To see our little girl wearing something even if it was too big for her was so reassuring. Not only was it a small step towards normalcy, but it showed us that the staff was comfortable enough with her progress that they felt they didn't need to have immediate and urgent access to her veins and was well enough to not need to watch her lungs to see her status.


Little moments making it big:

All of these things seem so very small and insignificant for most new families. But for us and likely other NICU parents, they are huge milestones and signs that each day our child is growing and getting stronger.

These little things remind us we're making progress and are one more day closer to her coming home with us.

Much love to you all.

Diary of a NICU Mom- Day 13

There are moments that I catch myself in a mirror, or forget for a moment that thirteen days ago I delivered our daughter.

Most moms of a thirteen day old are elbows deep in diapers, spit up rags and wailing newborns. For me, and most NICU moms I'd imagine, the only real daily reminder that I am actually a mother is pumping. Every two to three hours, I get up from my spot on the couch with the dog and desperately try to make food for the Bean.

Today, they took out the tube in her lung that had been sucking out air trapped in her chest. They're contemplating putting her back on the CPAP machine. The idea that her lungs might not be strong enough yet scares me, but I'm glad the painful chest tube is out.

I think people are curious, if not too polite to ask what a day is like for me. Mostly, it looks like this:

* 1, 3, 5 and 7 AM I get up to my alarm in a sleeping and quiet house to pump.
* 9 AM I pump, get a call from Anivair letting me know about the morning NICU rounds.Then I try to update family on the Bean's progress, On good days, this is a fun job. On bad days, its awful,
* Around 10 AM I force-feed myself breakfast as I am usually too upset to eat. Followed by Insurance forms, bill paying and other paperwork for either my FMLA or the Bean's hospital stay.
* 11 AM, Shower and try to get up and move around a bit. (Usually just end up refilling water and going back to the couch to watch Cake Boss or Little Couple on Netflix.)
* Noon, I realize I've heard Buddy Velastro say "Hoboken baby" about fifteen times and feel guilty so I call the NICU for lunchtime updates. Then I call Anivair to update him and follow up with the grandmas.
* Around then I pump again and do a chore, dishes, laundry, or something to help me feel productive.
* About 3PM, I am exhausted. So I sit back on the couch And watch more Netflix while checking Facebook and e-mails.
* 4PM Fall asleep on the couch.
* Wake up when Anivair gets home.
* 5-6 PM Head to hospital to see the Bean. Feel like a mom for the first time of the day, Stare at tiny girl and huge scary monitors. Pray over her before we leave
* 7ish Head home before I have a complete breakdown.
* Try to eat dinner. If she had a good day and our visit wasn't too scary, dinner is much easier to accomplish.
* Spend the rest of the night broken up in two to three hour increments between pumping, Occasionally watching a movie with Anivair.
* Start all over again.

Not having her here definitely makes my days feel more empty.

I pray all day, everyday that she gets stronger and healthier so she can come home soon. Our family just doesn't feel whole yet. I just pray she gets out of these woods and can thrive,

~ Magpie

Diary of a NICU Mom - Nine days in.

The bean was born 1 lb 7.8 ounces and 12 inches long. lt took over an hour before we were able to see her. When we did, it was quite a shock. Our little, precious bean was bright red with jaundice and preemie bilirubin. And to say she was tiny is an understatement.

The first night, l got to kangaroo hold her. lt was amazing to hold our tiny girl to my chest and feel her warmth and movement.

It was scary, to be sure, but when her O2 and heartrate evened out, it felt like magic.

Since then, we've sat by held her, found out her lung collapsed, she got an infection and has fought through long days and nights just to survive. It has been the most terrifying few days of my whole life.

But also, when she is doing well my heart starts to beat again. She opened her eyes for the first time yesterday. It was beautiful and made me so indescribably happy.

My continued prayers go out to our little bean and may she heal and rest.

Born amid the snows

The bean was born on December 6th at 5:25.  She's very small and very perfect and still in the NICU, of course.  More to come. She brought a snowstorm with her, which is appropriate because her mother and I were both born in one.  Praise to the kindred (and also to the doctors and nurses and her mother while i'm at it).  it was magical, for sure.

It begins

Contractions started at around midnight.  I got a call to come in at 2:30 in the morning.  Strangest best worst best call of my life.  We're in labor and delivery.  Wish us luck.

It's the little things

So being in the hospital is bad, obviously.  It's hard and awkward.  When you're P3 (pregnant, pagan, paleo) it's a bit harder.  Here's some snippets.

• No, that is not weed, those are herbs for my wife's travel altar. 
• I guess if you want to sniff the sacred water you can. 
• Gluten free dinner:  corn, rice, beans.  Wow. 
• Ahh ... so .... bacon and eggs again, huh?
• Getting up and drawing Ur or Huath as my morning runes basically ruins my whole day now. 
• Every morning I get into the car where I see a cute little boar statue which I keep in there to protect me while I drive.  And then I say a nice prayer asking it to watch over the Magpie and the Bean instead. 
• Friends and family will ask your permission before praying for you.  I think this is really strange. 

A letter

Baby,

It's snowing, though I forget if I don't look.  Tonight we're in the hospital because your mother's water broke early and she's getting some rest in the hopes of keeping you in till you're stronger.  I'm sitting in a reclining leather chair reading, writing, and worrying.  Occasionally (about every few seconds) I'll cast a glance to the monitor showing m that your heart is still beating (it was around 160 when we came on.  Now that you're mostly sleeping it's siting at a nice even 140, but sometimes when you move it loses you and it goes down or up or vanished entirely, and I panic for just a moment .... don't tell your mommy.  It'll be our secret). 

I know we said we were eager to see you, but I promise, we can wait just a little bit longer till your lungs are strong and your brain is good and dense with neurons.

I know we said we wanted to kiss your little nose, but it doesn't have to be today.  We're not going anywhere, I promise.  take your time and grow into it.

I know that we said we couldn't wait to be your parents, but right now all we want is for you to live and grow up strong and healthy.

The best laid plans, right?  We had this great plan for a natural birth where your mother gets to move around a lot and experience her motherly instincts and give you the best delivery possible.  Now it's looking like there's probably going to be an operation and some time spent in the hospital. And it's okay.  They'll take good care of you and it will be okay. Just wait as long as you can, because sometimes you have to wait for the good stuff till you're ready.

Anyway, the night nurse just came in to change your mommy's IV bags, so I'm going to log off here, but I hope that you get some rest.  I pray that you grow strong.  I will do the best I can if you can do the best you can .  I'll see you soon ..... but not just yet.  Just a little while longer.

Ogham, vows, water

Today's ogham was Huath and nGetal.  I should have known. 

Huath is terror, and nGetal is to do with physicians.  Magpie's water broke at 3:15.  We were terrified.  Now we're in the hospital trying to keep her pregnant as long as possible. 

I made a vow to eat clean till the baby was born.  Yesterday I tasted some crap food at family Thanksgiving.  I don't know if I helped make this happen or not. 

I'll update soon. 

EDIT:  She's in the hospital right now.  The Doctors say that the goal is to keep the baby in there as long as possible, but most people this happens to go into labor within 24 hours, so our new goal is 24 hours.  My new goal is maybe more like an hour without freaking out.

I don't feel a lot less guilty and terrified, but the Magpie assures me that this is not my fault and that that's not how it works.  I wish I were as sure as she is. Maybe she's trying to make me feel better.

22 weeks and moving

The Magpie and I are at 22 weeks and things are still moving along.  Here's the video we forgot to show you:

How great is that?  That was at 12 weeks and things are still moving.

How has it been?  Well, it's been a struggle, of course.  The Magpie has suffered through what I will call the worst morning sickness I've ever seen in a human.  We had to go to the ER twice for fluids (throwing up 5 times in 2 hours is a bad thing).  But apart from that, we're still moving along well enough and despite all our fears and all our stress, the bean seems to be thriving.

Last night I felt a good solid kick (a lot of them) for the first time.  I won't lie, it was magic.  Literally.  I can still feel my hand tingle today.  I don't know how it works, but it's amazing.

I'm thinking about making a pregnancy book for dads, because there are no good ones that I've seen (at least none that I think really helped me).  Maybe some of you interneters have suggestions?

Last night we performed a small ritual giving thanks to the gods and goddesses again for where we are and we made a small vow to repay them by raising our child the best way we can.  I know, it's a small vow and it was a small rite, but it was nice.  In all the rush or baby making and cultivating and throwing up and doctor visits (where we track fresh tar all over their office ...whoops!) it seems like our faith is struggling to have a central place in our lives and that's not that great, so we're going to make an effort to bring it back.

Likewise, I'm making a serious effort to get my exercise routine back on track.  Often I'll think, "Well, I'll just work out at home.  It's faster."  And it it.  But I also do less work because I can do some chin ups and push up and call it a day, but at the gym I would add in a lot of other work (box jumps and heavy bag work at least).  At home it's easy to just wander upstairs and be done. Too easy.

Food has been clean.  I made a small vow to myself (and the universe) to eat clean till the bean is born and I'm sticking to it.

So that's all for now, kids.  We're still nervous and excited and registering and doing all the stuff you do at this phase, and I feel like we're on the right path.  I'm hopeful.

The Bean

So after a few months of medications prayer and some magic cheese, we tried again. And we found out about our new little Bean.

We are cautiously optimistic, but hoping for the best for this "Bean" as we're calling it.

Prayers are being said and hopes are high.

Another setback

We went back in to have another ultrasound at 12 weeks and sadly there was no heartbeat.

We had another surgery shortly thereafter. This was the most crushing loss so far...since we thought we had gotten to the "safe" zone.

We'll try again...but I am going to need time.

Hopefully I can get my health back in order for the best chance for having  child.

Lentil Update - Anivair Edition

What can I say to follow that picture?  I wish there was video.  It was easily the best flicker of light I've ever seen.  Here's a video that has a brief sight of a similar flicker.

It's brief here and it was a much longer look in ours, but it was still pretty amazing.  I get why people are inclined to call this a miracle.  It is easily one of the best things nature does. Literally you have sex (a thing that, let's face it, you're going to do anyway) and somehow THAT excellent act makes a baby. it blows my mind to think about it.

So this is real.  Am i still afraid we'll lose it?  Yes, but not as much.  The doctor is very hopeful and thinks we should be too and I'm doing my very best to focus on that.  I feel like this time everything is right.

So good news.  Now, as the wife said, to stay paleo and keep food in her.

One of the most common theories about morning sickness is that it is an evolutionary choice made to keep parasites out of a new fetus.  You hurl meat because meat, when we were coming up human, was the most likely thing to cause you problems (as a lot of it was found laying around on the ground).   Less of a problem now, but nobody told your body.  So a focus on vegetables is probably going to help,  here. It also helps with a lot of less pleasant pregnancy symptoms (because ... you know ... water and fiber ... I'm not going to spell it out for you).

Things are hopeful, happy, and looking forward here.  I'm interviewing pediatricians already.  I give no quarter (and finding one that is okay with our diet and lifestyle choice will be a trick).  I'll keep you all updated.

Lentil Update - Magpie Edition

We had our first ultrasound (u/s from here on out) on June 28th. I was supposed to be around 7 weeks. I was nervous, and it was evident Anivair was as well. Even the doc said he didn't want to wait while he was explaining the possibilities. After a few quiet minutes, he found what was, to me, another dark splotch. I was extremely nervous while he looked around more at the little lentil-sized smudge.

And then, he stopped...and pointed us to the most glorious flicker of light I've ever seen. The heartbeat was not able to be heard yet, but there it was, flickering on as Anivair and I had quite a rush of emotions.

There is the first picture of our little guy or gal. It's still really hard to believe this is a real thing. And likely will be until we can actually make out an actual baby, but everytime I worry it's not real, I just think of that little fluttery heartbeat an the look on Anivair's face when we saw it.

I think it's safe to get excited now!!!

Our little one is due somewhere around Valentine's Day!!!

Now, to try and stay paleo and keep foods down!!!

Here We Go Again: Anivair Edition

Well, this is going to be a rough time around.

The fact is that we've had a lot of complications before now and no matter how this goes, we'll have the shadow of that hanging over us in a bad way.  That will make it hard to be all positive vibes and good dreams.  Yes, I hope it goes well, but there's also a lot of trepidation, and there's really nothing to be done about it.

People keep saying, "Think positive," and "I'll all be fine, you just have to stop stressing out," and most of that is crap.  My stress level and positive thinking won't really help if things go poorly.  I thought positively last time, too.  And it's not as if I'm sitting in the corner secretly hoping for bad news.  But saying that you should just not think about it is sort of a waste of time and energy.  It's not going to happen.

Have you ever gone up to speak before a large crowd and told yourself, "it'll be fine, don't be nervous!"  Did your nerves magically vanish?  of course not.  Maybe they got a little lesser, but probably they stayed about the same till you were right in there in the mix.   That's how nerves work.

It doesn't help that the Magpie is on progesterone which has a few side effects.  It makes the boobs bigger (heyo) but the most pronounced side effects are things like nausea and constipation.  Great.  Thanks, progesterone. This has better work, or me and progesterone are going to have a little chat outside.

Here we go again - Magpie Edition

So, after a bajillion bloodtests, doctor visits and the like, I was diagnosed with luteal phase defect. For those unfamiliar, this link will give you the quick and dirty details on what this means.

It can be a common reason for miscarriage, but, can be easily treated with inexpensive meds like clomid. Finding a diagnosis was a little scary, but really, reasurring. In the long run, having a diagnosis that explains my problems/symptoms and is easily treatable really gives me hope for future healthy pregnancies.

Setback: The Dr's office said we could resume trying before they found that diagnosis. And of course, we got pregnant before we could start any of the treatments.

This means that we had to start crazy progesterone suppliments and blood draws every 48 hours for HCG levels. We've been told it's possible to have a full term-healthy baby. But the odds are a bit against us here. It's a tricky situation, I'm being hit with serious morning sickness and fatigue as well as other signs of a strong pregnancy, but the possibility of loss is sort of a pink elephant threatening to trample us. It's hard to want to be logical and prepare yourself for the worst, but still be hopeful that things will work this time. It's a strange teeter-totter of emotions and I'm trying to keep this secret, like last time, intent to not really talk about it with folk until we get difinitive news.

I think I won't feel relaxed until I hear a heartbeat...but I'm trying to look up.

I'm taking pre-natals, B6 and progesterone suppliments. I have also been very good with my diet, sticking mostly to paleo (and lost 6 lbs in the last week) and drinking LOTS of water.

Here's to good fortune this time around!!

Update from Druidlandia - Magpie Edition

So, it's been a while since we've posted to this blog. Frankly, we have our own individual blogs where we are most loquacious. But I wanted to stop by here and update what will be future readers about where we've been after all the crazy trying times of the last few months.

First of all, I, one magpie of the first order decided to do full paleo eating for a full week. No cheats, no sodas, just 100% paleo all week.

Frankly, aside from getting used to plain coffee and water, it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was so easy, I extended my experiment to two weeks. Really, it's not as bad or as difficult as I thought. It helps that I have a husband that is not only a great cook, but also extremely supportive of my foray into pure paleo. I ate a lot of eggs and bacon and broccoli, because we bought them in bulk at Costco and I am able to make them fast. But all in all, I really wanted for almost nothing. (My addiction to caffeinated beverages aside.)

I felt great and had a new found appreciation for water, a particular dietary need of which I really never got enough. I added a vast array of new veggies to my "I didn't know I liked it" list.

All in all it helped me realize just how used to sweetened and processed foods I still was and how much I could really taste the food I was eating. It helped make food more about delicious fuel than something I thought about constantly.

Also, I got back into training. We went to a movenat style meetup locally and I realized how much I loved it all over again. It's been cold, so we have been working out and lifting weights in our new basement gym. I'm slowly improving, as always, I'd love to lose weight and get my body as free of fat as possible for possible follow up tries at babymaking, so we'll see.

Onto that topic, Anivair and I decided to contact a Reproductive Specialist to discuss options for fertility. Ideally, we'd love to just give it another go naturally, but after two losses, I felt that I would not be happy trying again until we checked that we did not have any abnormalities that might make for another loss. I personally don't love the idea of all this intervention, but, it came down to tests. If I didn't do the tests and we had another loss, I really feel like I would have felt worse, knowing I didn't look into every possibility I could.

We have decided that if we are not able to have children naturally, then we are not interested in IVF. We decided that we didn't want to spend all our money trying to make a baby if there were others around the world that needed a loving home. I didn't think IVF was worth the money or the potential heartbreak if it didn't work out. We are looking into taking adoption classes as soon as possible, which really makes me happy. Frankly, I don't care how I become a mom, just that I know I'm meant to be one!

Also, over the course of the last month, both Anivair and I have completed our ADF dedicant path study program. Joe just got his approval today in fact! This is really exciting for both of us, as it represents years of study and work thinking about our faith and we're really proud and excited to see what lies next in store for study and our faith! Yay!

Whew, that was a long entry, I hope that it was mildly entertaining!!

Simple, fast meals - Anivair Edition

The Magpie makes the fine point often that eating healthy paleo food doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. I'm about to throw at you the easiest and cheapest paleo lunch I've ever had.

The Giant eagle by me sells a bag of Eggland's Best hard boiled eggs for 2.39. For real. Full cooked hard boiled eggs. I know what you're thinking. Tons of preservatives. Not really. it's eggs, some citric acid, and some sodium benzoate for preserving the goodness. Sodium benzoate isn't that offensive, but if the idea of it bugs you (as it does me a bit) then just rinse off the eggs. The stuff mostly stays in the liquid and doesn't get into the egg.

Here's what I did. I took the eggs out and rinsed and dried them. I did the same to the bag. then I put them back in the bag, added a few drops of olive oil (likely 9 cents worth) a drop of vinegar (probably another 5 cents) and some salt and pepper (if you're fancy, you can add seasoned salt as long as you get the kind without sugar).

Boom. 2.50 = 6 eggs worth of lunch. if you're a big guy like me, eat all 6. If you're not, eat 3. Easy, cheap, fast.

It is worth noting here that my wife's lunch looks way more delicious than mine.