Update from Druidlandia - Magpie Edition

So, it's been a while since we've posted to this blog. Frankly, we have our own individual blogs where we are most loquacious. But I wanted to stop by here and update what will be future readers about where we've been after all the crazy trying times of the last few months.

First of all, I, one magpie of the first order decided to do full paleo eating for a full week. No cheats, no sodas, just 100% paleo all week.

Frankly, aside from getting used to plain coffee and water, it wasn't so bad. In fact, it was so easy, I extended my experiment to two weeks. Really, it's not as bad or as difficult as I thought. It helps that I have a husband that is not only a great cook, but also extremely supportive of my foray into pure paleo. I ate a lot of eggs and bacon and broccoli, because we bought them in bulk at Costco and I am able to make them fast. But all in all, I really wanted for almost nothing. (My addiction to caffeinated beverages aside.)

I felt great and had a new found appreciation for water, a particular dietary need of which I really never got enough. I added a vast array of new veggies to my "I didn't know I liked it" list.

All in all it helped me realize just how used to sweetened and processed foods I still was and how much I could really taste the food I was eating. It helped make food more about delicious fuel than something I thought about constantly.

Also, I got back into training. We went to a movenat style meetup locally and I realized how much I loved it all over again. It's been cold, so we have been working out and lifting weights in our new basement gym. I'm slowly improving, as always, I'd love to lose weight and get my body as free of fat as possible for possible follow up tries at babymaking, so we'll see.

Onto that topic, Anivair and I decided to contact a Reproductive Specialist to discuss options for fertility. Ideally, we'd love to just give it another go naturally, but after two losses, I felt that I would not be happy trying again until we checked that we did not have any abnormalities that might make for another loss. I personally don't love the idea of all this intervention, but, it came down to tests. If I didn't do the tests and we had another loss, I really feel like I would have felt worse, knowing I didn't look into every possibility I could.

We have decided that if we are not able to have children naturally, then we are not interested in IVF. We decided that we didn't want to spend all our money trying to make a baby if there were others around the world that needed a loving home. I didn't think IVF was worth the money or the potential heartbreak if it didn't work out. We are looking into taking adoption classes as soon as possible, which really makes me happy. Frankly, I don't care how I become a mom, just that I know I'm meant to be one!

Also, over the course of the last month, both Anivair and I have completed our ADF dedicant path study program. Joe just got his approval today in fact! This is really exciting for both of us, as it represents years of study and work thinking about our faith and we're really proud and excited to see what lies next in store for study and our faith! Yay!

Whew, that was a long entry, I hope that it was mildly entertaining!!

Simple, fast meals - Anivair Edition

The Magpie makes the fine point often that eating healthy paleo food doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. I'm about to throw at you the easiest and cheapest paleo lunch I've ever had.

The Giant eagle by me sells a bag of Eggland's Best hard boiled eggs for 2.39. For real. Full cooked hard boiled eggs. I know what you're thinking. Tons of preservatives. Not really. it's eggs, some citric acid, and some sodium benzoate for preserving the goodness. Sodium benzoate isn't that offensive, but if the idea of it bugs you (as it does me a bit) then just rinse off the eggs. The stuff mostly stays in the liquid and doesn't get into the egg.

Here's what I did. I took the eggs out and rinsed and dried them. I did the same to the bag. then I put them back in the bag, added a few drops of olive oil (likely 9 cents worth) a drop of vinegar (probably another 5 cents) and some salt and pepper (if you're fancy, you can add seasoned salt as long as you get the kind without sugar).

Boom. 2.50 = 6 eggs worth of lunch. if you're a big guy like me, eat all 6. If you're not, eat 3. Easy, cheap, fast.

It is worth noting here that my wife's lunch looks way more delicious than mine.

Simple, fast meals - Magpie Edition

Eating Paleo doesn't have to be hard. It doesn't have to be boring and it doesn't have to be expensive.

I have written several articles about paleo can be done on a budget. But I'm going to make this entry quick and to the point, like lunch today was.

Baconfat: Leftover from cooking bacon.

All beef hot dogs: $7 (pack of eight) - 2 - $1.76

Spinach lettuce: $4 (1lb bulk box) - Handful - $.75

Bag of Cranberries: $3 - 1/8 cup - $.25

Spicy Sweet Mustard: $3 - 2 tablespoons - $.15

Total lunch cost: $2.91

(Total Deliciousness = Awesome)

I had a huge knee-jerk reaction to buying $7 all beef hotdogs. But when I do a break down of price, it's not so expensive as I thought and I got quality food with all natural ingredients.

And, all told this meal took me three minutes to cook.

Warm baconfat and fry all beef hotdogs, grab spinach and cranberries. Spoon some melted baconfat over the spinach, top with spicy mustard. Done.

Delicious, healthy paleo meal, in no time flat!

Months and frustration: Anivair Edition

The Magpie already said all this well, as she does, but let me speak a bit on some manly details.

a) As a husband, i'm glad she's publishing this. I think it's important for people to see.

b) As a husband, in this situation, there is only so much you can do. And if it happens to you, you will hate it. You'll gt really frustrated about not being able to do anything more proactive than fetching ice chips and you'll be mad that you went to school to be a make up artist and then settled on being a computer nerd and part time trainer instead of going to medical school so that you could prepare for this eventuality. (I can only imagine I will feel this way about possible career choices every time we have a crisis for the rest of my life).

c) I think the important thing to realize here is that getting ice chips and holding hands and cracking jokes DOES help. As much as you can. Support is the best thing you can give.

The Nerd trainer parts of me have been sad lately watching the wife's diet slide around (and mine, to be fair). At times like that, it helps to remember that sometimes you just need to eat some cake to get over something. Is that a healthy coping mechanics that promotes a good relationship with food? No. But get over it.

The Druid parts of me sometimes get sad when one or both of us has faith troubles and doesn't want to go to Grove meetings and events. But as a great Druid once said, you fake it till it's true. You do the ritual, you go to the meetings, and you offer at your altar because it's when you don't feel the drive to engage in your faith that you need it the most.

I am grateful to a few folks from our grove who have been really great and helpful and offered support at every turn. they came over and did a healing ritual and if nothing else that really helped the Magpie get past some of this. Healing of the spirit, much like healing of the body, is not fast. And it happens at a different rate for everyone. We just need to accept that it will come in it's time.

Months and frustration

I have decided to publish this blog. We had originally wanted to wait until we were through the first trimester of a healthy pregnancy, but I have decided that there is positive that can come out of posting about a bit of emotional and physical setbacks.

So, to update, we were getting life back to normal and diets back in shape. Then, on December 10th, we were struck by a drunk driver. I hurt my knee, but it seemed things were going to be alright, even if we were sore and not able to workout like we wanted to.

On the 23rd, I was rushed into the ER. Apparently I had been pregnant. For whatever reason, be it stress from the accident or another reason that the doctors were unable to determine, I lost the second baby in three months. It was, even harder for me the second time. I was out a car, out the money for the hospital bills and the like. It was extremely crushing and I backslid on my diet and on many things needed to make a happy druid wife.

But, as the new year turned over, I struggled and decided that wreck, loss, layoffs wouldn't make me fret. I needed to keep focused and wanted to put myself back on track.

I got back down to my pre-pregnancy weight and got back into eating paleo. I was feeling better

But, I found that there were so few resources on miscarriage. I found dozens of discussions online, but none of it was helpful. My doctor didn't want to see me in the office, for reasons the nurse said were to "help me not feel depressed to keep seeing all the pregnant women there". So, I was stuck with phone calls that would be answered days later, if at all, telling me I was "normal". And so I sat at home with questions, worries, fears and no place to turn.

Which is what inspired me to start doing research and open, frank discussion on the topic of fertility and loss. At least it seems in America that so many families go through this and yet there is so little discussed on the topic. It seems like there is a fear, a discomfort with discussing pregnancy loss and fertility problems. It is, a very personal situation and everyone will deal with it in their own way, but I think it is a disservice to women everywhere to not have a place to discuss their concerns, sadness and recovery.

Hopefully, this will be a place where I can post information and helpful links about being healthy, getting information about fertility, and how to move back into good health after loss. And hopefully a place where people can share their stories.

Setbacks & Loss: Anivair Edition

I don't know what I can say that wasn't already said better, but I'll try to cover my part of this.

When your wife tells you she's pregnant, the last thing you expect is for her to come out of a Shell Station bathroom ten hours from home saying she's bleeding. It turns you inside out.

But I dealt with it. I made her call the OB, because I knew she couldn't think about it. I took her to the hospital and tried to keep her in good spirits. Some of that felt like a betrayal. Our omens in ritual had not been great, won't lie. I thought they were cautioning us against talking to people about it.

Which is a lie. I thought they were telling us that we weren't going to have a baby. But I didn't want to believe that. I second guessed my own divination, which probably happens a lot.

A lot of people will say that the waiting is the worst part. It wasn't. The worst part was watching them wheel my wife away. Waiting was just me eating seaweed salad. Me reading. Me drinking complimentary hot cocoa. Big deal. Traci was the one going into surgery.

I know that most people won't care about this, but the recovery has also been hell on our diets. We ate crap for almost 2 weeks and getting back on the bandwagon is hard (though the crap I've been feeling like for the last week is helping there).

Mostly I just want to put this past us and get our lives back. If nothing else it taught us that we both really want to have a baby. A lot. And we'll keep posting here because this journey is not over by a long shot.

Setbacks & Loss

So, I'm not going to mince words, it has been a rough month. I have debated posting this or not, to delete the previous entries or not. And I have come to the decision that we wanted this blog to be about our journey. The good, the bad, the whole process.

So, post this I will. Though, it is our intent not to publish this blog until we are through the first trimester of a pregnancy and ready to share it with the world. So, by the time the public has a chance to read this, some time will thankfully have passed.

The condensed version of the story is that we lost the baby. For those that are not interested in the details, feel free to skip below the purple text. (I do sort of miss having cut tags in livejournal for this reason.)

I'm just gonna throw this all out there. Warning, this is a little TMI.

Almost from the beginning of the pregnancy, I was very ill. Nauseous 24/7 and losing weight fast. we decided to still try to go on our honeymoon to New Orleans, and about 10 hours into the drive, I had terrible cramping and I started bleeding a little. So, in Decatur Alabama, we spent almost 4 hours in the ER there. They sent us home and put me on bed rest...giving me a shot that would go on to compound the chronic constipation I was already suffering from. I was told that these things happen and it looks like things were still alright, but if I wanted to keep the baby I needed to stay off my feet.

For the next week, I was lying in bed, wracked with pain caused by the nausea and constipation the ER shot gave me. But I felt it was what I had to do to keep the baby. So I went to my first ob appointment, where they also did bloodwork and ultrasounds (u/s). The embryo was really small on the u/s, but they guessed we just misjudged my conception date. I had to wait two more days to get the bloodwork back and they said my hcg levels looked normal and my body was reacting well to the pregnancy.

So I'd go back in another week to do it all over again and make sure things were progressing alright. Another agonizing week passed with me being really ill and terribly anxious as to the future of the pregnancy.

So I went in again, having been struggling to eat more than a few spoons of yogurt and a couple of crackers for meals. So, I went in, Wednesday Sept 28th, and though my body was doing a great job of getting ready, the embryo had not grown in three weeks and was not viable at this stage. I was informed that the next morning (Thursday Sept 29th) for my own health, I needed to have a d&c procedure to remove the embryo.

I went from 3pm, anxiously hoping to hear a fetal heartbeat, to 9am...prepping in an O.R. for them to remove it.

Our lives just changed so fast.

While I had mentally prepared for this as an option, I must admit, it is a pretty crushing blow. We managed to tell a few close friends and family and they helped us through this. But all told, I'm still reeling from the loss. Frankly, I was pretty numb all weekend and it wasn't until yesterday that I really had the chance to let it sink in.

I suppose this gives me an opportunity to start fresh and try to be conscious about my pre-pregnancy health for a few months before trying again.

I hope that this situation will be an example of how common this kind of situation is. And maybe by sharing this, it will give someone hope after loss like this.

Be well.